22 January 2025. I’m taking a moment to write this public diary entry. 2025 has been pretty nuts so far, both from within myself and the world around me. The world’s a hot mess, and so am I.
At the start of this year, the one word that defines how I feel is: Obsession. Like, wtf—I feel like accidentally being possessed by a David Goggins.
Week one? Ran 100+ km with 4000+ m of elevation gain. Week two? Same, 100 km, 3000+ m. Week three? Fatigue hit, my body and mental was like, “Chill!” so I cut it half to 50 km. I’ve been running alone at the time. Rain? I’m running. Blazing heat? I’m out there. Midnight thunderstorms? Let’s go. Thick fog, steep hills? Bring it.
Speed or pace? Don’t care. Social clout? Who cares. Races? Nah. I’m running to break my mental. Yeah, I use Strava, but it turned into this weird “look at me” machine. So I made my own protocol to prove my action without needing validation.
When I’m running at night, my brain goes poetic edge-lord: “Rage against the dying of the light,” becomes my mantra, while aggressively dodging potholes. But sometimes it’s not just poetic rage, it’s actual rage. At the fact that brutal loneliness hits, at how powerless it feels sometimes. And then I remember: You can do something about it. You do have a choice. Just stop your brain from thinking like a dumbass, just start doing the things.
People look at me like, “Is this guy okay?” No, I’m not okay. I’m OBSESSED.
“Obsessed, locked-in, driven.” That’s my 2025 starter pack. To become something, there’s always a price to pay, a sacrifice, a chaos. It’s far from balanced, but I’m grateful I’ve got a routine and system to keep me from turning into a complete psycho, it helps me return to a more stable state when needed, so we’re good. One thing’s for sure: don’t sacrifice your health like some alpha in a grindset meme. That’s just embarrassing.
Do I know where this is going? Nope. Am I building toward some incredible future? Couldn’t tell. All I know is that I’ve gotta keep the fire burning or risk becoming another NPC in the simulation.
Running and physical exercise, it’s my therapy to maintain my obsession’s energy. The way I see, the body and mind are interconnected. I’m obsessed with building systems to improve myself. Call it a devotion, call it a coping mechanism, call it whatever. I’m also obsessed with creating art, which sometime it takes insane amount of mental energy. Doing all this with no cheers, no claps, barely any cash, and crushing loneliness? It sucks, hurts, pains. But guess what?
I’m doing it anyway.
My determination burns stronger than ever.
We’re so back for we’re so back, it’s so over for it’s so over!