November 2nd, evening hits, time blinks. I woke up at 6 AM after pulling another late night, overly editing my own notes from the past. Still managed to drag myself out to run 5 km for breakfast, because why not?
Last night, I revisited some of my old notes, and let me tell you, it hit hard. I’ve officially become that person I swore I’d never turn into. I looked myself dead in the eyes and thought, “How the heck did we get here?” Time skips in the blink of an eye, and if you ask if I regret it? Yeah, maybe a little. But hey, I’ve also spent years crafting this system, this life blueprint of mine. Took a few months off, now I’m back. Overwhelmed, sure, but my system welcomed me back like an old friend.
I want to be the “steady” version of myself again. Not the one who dives into chaos and distractions like it’s some sport. You don’t just snap your fingers and change; it takes work, the kind that sucks. But I have to summon the courage to be the version of me that I actually respect. I’m sick of being the kind of person I can’t stand.
I want to be obsessed, but stay in harmony. A dive headfirst into discipline, it’s not a cute thing; it’s an intense drive. Adoring the growth, performance, and calmness back. I’ve made this vow to myself before, I’ll make it again, and I’ll keep making it.
I know that feelings of self-destruction, and the urge to be the ultimate couch potato are gonna come back. But I’ll keep trying, again and again. Patience and optimism feel like suffocating in an abyss when you’re alone with them. But I’ll keep at it.
Some days, I’m that doomer rot in bed; other days, I’m on my peak aura, pushing to the edge. I’d rather be the crazy obsessed person than the procrastination grandmaster. And yeah, that protagonist energy is kicking in, haha.
When I was in my “no life” phase, I was weirdly grateful for it. My distractions were mostly video games, and those games, they opened my eyes to how insanely creative people can be. I got values, inspiration, motivation, I felt like want to write a love letter to them. Thank you, either for making me cry from the feels, or cry from feeling like an absolute trash.
Somewhere within me, there’s still this innocent kid with nonsense dreams, a world full of joy and play. Video games serve these feelings perfectly, even though it’s only an illusion.
Alright then, time to play the biggest video game in every history: life itself. I figure it’s probably just as fun, right? Right?? Whatever challenges lie ahead, whatever the levels or quests turn out to be, who knows? All I can say is, good luck playing!